I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
