This is not my ceiling
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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