You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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