you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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