I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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