She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
