and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's always time for handjobs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
