So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
