So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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