Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
