She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have fence marks all over my body
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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