Your mouth is God's brothel.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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