Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
