im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
