p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
