Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
