I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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