so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
