A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
