wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
