Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
