I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
