is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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