The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
