pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
