happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
