just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
