I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
