I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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