they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
