I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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