but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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