Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
