There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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