Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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