Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
