I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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