oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
