I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
