whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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