She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
