I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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