Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
