my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
