last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We named our party play list daddy issues
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They took my balls.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
