And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We're too hungover to prance.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
