I just saw a hot homeless man
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
home. puking in laundry basket.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
