Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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