Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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