Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
