hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
