what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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